When you’re waiting for what you suspect is a cancer diagnosis, and it’s someone you love more than you could ever adequately express, time slows down to a torturously heavy march where your mind plays out every possible scenario of what your loved one may have to face and the changes ahead.
And then you hear those words — it’s cancer — and for a brief moment, there is this odd relief. It now has a name. You can identify it. You can find out what it is and make a plan to fight. But then there’s more waiting because once you have it confirmed, then comes the tests to find out if it has spread, and how exactly it could be treated. That’s when the torturously heavy march starts all over again. You wait. You hold your breath. You hope for relief.
And that’s where we’re at.
My love, my American — my kind, gentle, funny, hardworking, slightly grumpy but unwaveringly loving and devoted husband found out he has cancer in his jaw. His broad shoulders that have carried the stresses of life are now carrying this, and I have no doubt he will stand firm and strong during this fight — I just wish I could carry this worry for him.
Tomorrow, October 14th, we are going to have some CT scans done to check to see if the cancer has spread — it turns out he may have had it for some time. We then get the results of those scans and discuss exactly what the next step is on October 18th at the ENT hospital. We know surgery is a definite (he will have to have an as yet undecided amount of his lower left jaw removed and the corresponding connected lymph nodes, then have reconstructive surgery at a later date to rebuild that side of his face). If the cancer has spread then that will change, well, everything — and I’m not yet ready to dwell on that. I wrote in my previous post about reflections of strength, and that my power source for withstanding any storm is my stubbornness, and thank goodness I have it because I’m ready — we’re ready — to face each challenge as it arrives. One day at a time.
I have a GoFundMe set up, which I felt anxious about doing as I know everyone is facing a struggle in one way or another, so if you can’t donate then please share the fundraiser. I explain more on there about what is going on and will keep everyone updated on our journey.
Dealing with this is unrelentingly frightening, but both my love and I are lifted by the kindness we’ve already had come our way. The world really is made up of some amazing people who love us as family, friends or just people who share a connection — so if nobody has told you today, thank you for being you, you are loved and you matter. I just wanted everyone reading this to know that because life can sometimes be a difficult path to walk, but you never walk it alone.
Thank you for reading.