Let’s face it, saying life has its ups and downs is putting it mildly. A more accurate descriptor would be there are cycles of advancement and regression, reworking and awakening, unpleasantness and pleasure, even chaos and calm; with many other experiences in-between that may make it difficult, at times, to show ourselves some kindness and understanding.
When we practice self-love, it’s not centred around feeling good or thinking positively; although both of these represent welcome side effects. It’s about creating moments of action that reclaim and prioritise compassion for ourselves. It’s mindfulness that helps maintain our mental and emotional well-being. Radical self-love is investing in ourselves; weaving resiliency into our lives so that when we feel like we’re going to come apart at the seams, we remember that we have value; we are worthy, we are loved, and we will get through whatever challenges we currently face.
Treating ourselves with compassion establishes space for growth, in all areas of our lives, that builds healthier intentions and outcomes. If we have established self-love as a typical part of our everyday lives; we’re more likely to seek out non-toxic relationships (romantic, familial or even work-based) that look after our physical and mental health. Other benefits could include experiencing less anxiety and depression and even being able to better recover from situations of stress.
Do not ignore your intuition. There is an infinite intelligence within you; let it be your guiding light. | Heart Talk: Poetic Wisdom For A Better Life – Cleo Wade
Learning to take care of our well-being is not selfish; don’t believe anyone, even yourself, that may try to communicate otherwise. Having deep-rooted self-compassion, and the strength, stability, kindness and encouragement it produces is something we can gift to those around us. There is no way to appreciate and care for others if we don’t show any tenderness or consideration for ourselves.
Identifying how best to care for ourselves requires setting aside some time to figure out what our needs are and what works for us. It could be anything from nourishing our body with food that promotes physical health; establishing a sleep routine for rest and recovery; setting boundaries that protect our time/energy to practicing positive self-talk, taking nature walks or reading for relaxation. Whatever it is, it’s essential to take action to reclaim kindness and acceptance.
If it’s challenging to make sense of how to show self-compassion; typically during times of struggle, it can be beneficial to journal or work through some key questions that focus on our immediate well-being. Answering them may be emotional or uncomfortable, but exploring how best to alleviate any heaviness resting on our shoulders represents an essential first step on a self-love journey.
Try reflecting on …
- What is hindering me from being kind to myself today? What can I do to overcome those barriers?
- How do I want to feel today? How can I support my mental/emotional/physical health right now?
- What do I want to work through to make myself feel better? What three self-care activities will encourage me to achieve this?
Many times people don’t recognize, in the moment, when self-compassion would help them. The beauty of self-compassion is that it helps us both feel better and do better. It can be very helpful for getting past emotional stuckness. | 5 Signs That Someone Needs Some Self-Compassion – Psychology Today
Ultimately, an act of self-love is giving permission to nurture and celebrate who we are. We provide ourselves with the mental, emotional and spiritual means to uplift ourselves during the good times and carry us through the bad.
How do you show yourself love?
Further Info:
LBGTQ+ Friendly Emotional Health Resources – Everyday Health
76 Top Self-Care Tips for Taking Care of You – Everyday Health
transatlantic | notes 
You are right. You have to care for yourself before you can others.
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100% right!
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I love your question about what is hindering me from self compassion today. Such a powerful thing to ask.
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It is something I ask myself when I am struggling and it is such a useful and powerful question. Sometimes it makes me realize I’ve been giving too much of myself without allowing myself time to emotionally and mentally restore — which is always needed. Thank you for stopping by to read and comment!
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I love this post! One of my favorite quotes says “ if you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love someone else” and it made me think of what you wrote because people don’t even realize when they’re starting to not take care of themselves because we’re so used to not doing it.
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100%! We do get so used to putting off looking after ourselves, and not even notice. We keep doing it and end up emotionally tapped out. It does nobody any good; we must show ourselves love. Thanks so much for reading!
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This is such a great and important post. So very true that we need to show ourselves love and look after ourselves!
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100% — we must always make time to take care of ourselves. Thank you so much for reading!
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I’m a big believer in setting boundaries and I realise how much this looks after me. It’s been the best advice.
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It took me a long time to fully appreciate how helpful and healthy setting boundaries is — it’s such a useful life tool. Thanks for stopping by!
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A part of my self-love routine involves challenging my thoughts and beliefs about myself and working on changing them. I used to use food or binge watching shows as what I thought was self-love (and it can certainly play a part in self-care), but now it’s far more about acceptance of myself. I love that you distinguished the idea of self love being only feeling good and thinking positively. I agree it’s so much more that just that and love that you’ve suggested questions and ways to look into what each person may need. There’s a website self-compassion.org that has some helpful exercises too that I’ve found helpful 🙂
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100%! If we don’t challenge the things that are causing us harm or holding us back then we can’t move forward in a healthy way. Self-love has to be individual to us and help us heal, reconnect and evolve. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and the website about self-compassion, I will check it out!
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I love this quote, “When we practice self-love, it’s not centred around feeling good or thinking positively; although both of these represent welcome side effects. It’s about creating moments of action that reclaim and prioritise compassion for ourselves.” SO TRUE. We often think of self love as just being happy with the way we look or saying nice things about ourselves and whilst they’re both good things, like you said, it really is so much more than that x
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Exactly! Self-care and showing ourselves love is often thought of in terms of being positive or having positive thoughts, but that it itself doesn’t actually help us in the long-term. Thank you so much for reading!
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As someone who is such a huge believer in self care and being intentional about the relationship with yourself , I LOVE this post. Learning how to show yourself love is a difficult process but so important and the one decision I don’t regret making.
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I agree 100%, it really is hard to learn to love ourselves even though we can easily show love to those around us. I am so glad that you liked this post as I really enjoy your posts about self-care!
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Couldn’t agree more. I often feel that I care for others more than myself and that needs to change, starting from now!x
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Caring for others is no doubt a wonderful thing to do (if reciprocated) but not if it’s at the expense of our own well-being. Taking care of ourselves is resiliency and love (self and others) all rolled into one. Thanks so much for reading!
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Wonderful post here. Self-love is the greatest act of self-care there is. Learning to love, respect and accept ourselves and who we are becoming is crucial in our self-growth journey. Without self-love how can we extend love to others or even know how to accept love from others.
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I could not have said it better myself; accepting ourselves and who we are becoming is a significant show of self-love and compassion. Thank you so much for reading!
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Great post! Thank you for reminding us to look after ourselves every single day. It’s so important.
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You’re welcome — thank you for reading!
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I take care of my skin and massage my legs regularly to help with my fibromyalgia pain. I also do things that make me happy and surround myself with people who love me. Thank you for sharing.
Lauren – bournemouthgirl
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This is exactly what we should all do; find out what our personal needs are and do things that support that. It’s great to hear you’re doing all those things that make sure you show yourself care!
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Thank you!
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This is a great post. Something that we all need to do. I am been trying to show myself love more this year. Thank you for sharing.
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Thank you — definitely showing ourselves love is something to work on; I hope 2022 is a year you continue to show yourself care and compassion!
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U seriously love your thoughts provoking and discussion centered topics. It is necessary to love yourself. And the first thing to get on it is to learn your own emotions and wants, and being kind to themselves. Thanks for the kind words.
Isa A. Blogger
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I am a big believer in showing ourselves love; it’s a way to make sure we look after our overall health. I love to share things like this as a nice reminder to anyone who reads it that they are valuable and worthy at all times. Thanks so much for reading!
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There are so many ways to show yourself love. Most importantly, do what you truly want to do. I know saying now might be awkward, but you feel so much better not putting yourself in situations where you didn’t want to be in the first place.
Nancy ✨
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100% — it’s frustrating when finding ourselves in situations we really didn’t want to be in. Boundaries and self-care are so important; definitely something we should all practice regularly.
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Huge yes to this! Really loved the first quote of not ignoring your intuition, so true! I think we all tend to forget about self-love and care when we have others besides us. But self love and self care are so important and a hard step that we need to choose for ourselves!
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I agree, I think we tend to forget it or put it aside. It’s such an important thing to do for ourselves that self-care and self-love really should be an everyday thing. Choosing ourselves is a must!
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Self love is so important, but is unfortunately something that comes last sometimes as a mom of three. Such a great post and reminder that taking care of others starts with taking care of you first.
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I can imagine self-love often gets set aside when being a parent. I hope you can find/create some time for yourself as kids need happy healthy carers around them so always top yourself up with some self-care whenever you can!
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Keeping up with a good sleep routine is number one for me! A good night’s sleep is something I’ll never regret prioritising, it always sets up the day to be a good one. Great post!
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Getting good sleep has been a game-changer for me; it really helped me look after myself better and made a huge difference to my overall well-being. I agree with you 100% that prioritizing it is a significant self-love step. Thanks so much for reading!
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It’s good to make sure yourself is okay. I try to every now and then take a few moments and just think about happy memories and moments to try to bring joy to myself.
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I try to do that too — it definitely seems to help. Thanks so much for reading!
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Yeah, all of the above. I have to admit I struggle with self care and I still don’t know why. For me hooping is definitely part of self care and mindless doom scrolling is not. So I ask myself “Why do I still mindless doom scroll if I could be hooping / yoga / play a game of go instead. I don’t have the answers yet, but the first step is asking the question.
I love writing and that is part of my self care also, the thrill of finding new facts and re-visiting great experiences and sharing them with the world. My biggest problem there is that perfection often gets in the way of good enough, but hey, I am working on that too 😀 😀
Good reminders, much food for thought, and I like to think that none of us are perfect at this whole self care thing yet, but we are all working on it. That is when the little devil on my shoulder whispers in my ear “Yeah, but you are especially bad at it” :p
Carpe Diem
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I struggle with self-care too; I know what I can do, I have the tools I need but there is sometimes this heavy mental block and severe lack of energy to do it. I think you are right though that being aware of this is actually half the battle — we’ve just got to make it work for us, which includes sometimes not doing it because that is all we can manage. Self-care is a work in progress, it’s imperfect and challenging but it will always be something we can utilize — even when we’re telling ourselves we can’t (my anxiety does this so I’ve developed the not so scientific method of out loud telling it to shut the f*ck up, haha).
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Excellent post! I conducted an experiment of sorts a few weeks back. I scheduled all of my self-care activities in the same week and it was glorious. Partly because I was as relaxed as jelly; partly because self-care actually took place! (For me, it’s usually the first thing that gets sacrificed).
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This sounds like an excellent idea, especially if it made self-care accessible (and that it helped you). I think I will have to set up a schedule!
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